Okay, so that title is pretty scary, I know… But bear with me! Basically, I was playing around with my daughter last night and I thought to myself that I wish my father were able to see his granddaughter. You see, my father died in a traffic accident when I was 3, and whilst I’ve never let it get to me (at least as far back as I can remember), I’m not naive… I know for a fact that it has affected who I am and, now, how I live when it comes to my daughter.

For example, before my daughter came along, when I was the only one in the car I was willing to take “calculated risks” if it would get me to my destination faster. But now, as a dad, my whole outlook has changed… And I think the fact that my father wasn’t around has actually reinforced that!

No longer do I take those calculated risks… At all. Because in my mind, I tell myself that I don’t want to make the same mistake. I don’t want to “go away” from my daughter and have her grow up without her dad. And selfishly, I don’t want to be away from her…

Becoming a dad has really made me look at life differently… As a teenager and then a young adult, I was always thinking that life just goes on and that you can live free… But now, I’m actually overly careful with a lot of things. I think about my own mortality a lot more, and how it will affect my daughter…

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On top of that, when she’s a bit older, I’m not even sure how to explain to her why she only has one grandfather when her friends have two… I don’t really want to talk about death with my daughter when she’s still young. But it’s going to happen, and she’s going to ask that question… And I’m going to have to answer.

And that day scares me more than the idea of her going to school for the first time… Because that day will be the day her innocence is gone and she faces up to the world and what happens to people…

How would you deal with that question? What’s the most difficult question you’ve had to answer for your kids? Let me know in the comments below.

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